I understand the win-win philosophy and strategy for negotiations. I’m a believer in expanding the pie, and I also think it is important to look for people’s interests when negotiating or when I’m mediating. I’ve used the classic story of the little girl’s fighting over an orange from “Getting to Yes” many times. And while it is a good story, and it does illustrate a very important point, real world negotiations are obviously not always that easy (Though I’ve mediated a few cases that really were that easy), and there are times when I believe you must negotiate for the win. This does not mean you manipulate the other side, do anything unethical, or even beat them up so bad that they feel bad after the deal is done. Even when you go for the win, you must try to ensure that both sides are happy with the deal, otherwise you may be cutting off your nose to spite your face. The main point I want to make here is that you sometimes must look out for number one, and negotiate to win. If you get too caught up with win-win all the time, you might miss out.

Maybe it is my martial art background and competitiveness that instills this desire to win in me. After all, I sure never entered a judo competition with the thoughts of getting a draw, and I never entered to lose. Each and every time I stepped on the mat, my intention was to win, and I used every technique and strategy I’d learned to go for that win. I also trained to be in top physical condition and had the willpower to help secure victory more often than defeat. In real fights, where I used my fighting skills not to win trophy, but to save my hide, I sure didn’t look for a draw, I wanted to win and win as fast as I could, because the longer a fight went on, the more chances of being hurt.

In certain circumstances, I believe it is good to go for as much as you can and win during negotiations. And if you are a more skilled negotiator than the other side, so be it. That’s why you study and practice negotiation skills, just like I also study and practice martial skills. (In fact, there are many similarities in my studies of both martial arts and negotiation.)

There’s more that can be said on this, and in my courses I address various aspects of winning and also relate things to martial arts and the warrior’s edge. The main thing I want you to realize by reading this is that it is not bad to go for the win. It is not wrong to negotiate for more. Win-win does not mean roll over and give away the farm, but sometimes I think some people feel it does. So negotiate for the win, but remember that often to win, you must give a little and be sure that the other side is at least happy with the deal.