As I helped two people during a mediation yesterday, I couldn’t help thinking about the stark differences between the two. Their personalities, their methods of communicating with others, their attitudes about life and the job, the way they interacted with fellow co-workers, and much more were clearing on opposite sides of whatever spectrum one would want to measure things by. And this mediation was nothing out of the ordinary, I find differences all the time. Many work place mediations I do involve these very same kinds of differences, and most often it is ineffective communication that polarizes the individuals and brings out the worst of the differences, rather than communicating effectively and using the differences to make the work place and organization stronger.

I always make it clear when I assist people with their communicating, or when I’m teaching communication skills in the various trainings I conduct, that we are always communicating. Everything we say and do communicates something. The key is to communicate effectively. And what I mean by effective communication is communication that achieves positive outcomes, strengthens relationships, and furthers your goals for the interaction. Ineffective communication weakens relationships, causes misunderstandings, and often creates conflict. It certainly does nothing to help resolve conflict. Effective communication also assists with understanding and bridging differences among people.

Differences really do make the world go around. It would be a pretty boring existence if we were all exactly alike, and not nearly as much would get accomplished. However, differences also make us feel uncomfortable and often our first reaction is to avoid things that are different or cause those uneasy and uncomfortable feelings. Unfortunately, avoidance does not solve many problems. At least not when you have to work or live with some such as a co-worker, neighbor, or family member. Ignoring a stranger that you will never see again is okay, but you can’t just ignore those you must continue a relationship with. And I’m not saying you must be best friends with all of your co-workers or neighbors. But you do have to continue a positive working relationship for the good of all involved. If you don’t at work, the powers that be might strongly suggest you look for work elsewhere as they hand you your notice. Besides, it just feels better to get along with others. I don’t think anyone really likes going home at night upset over conflict with others.

The key really is to communicate with each other. Really listen to understand where the other person is coming from. And form your messages so the other person understands you. Isn’t that what communication is really about? Understanding each other. Unfortunately, many misunderstandings, caused by many reasons, create and prolong problems. Once you understand each others’ differences, and the “why” behind them, it is much easier to accept them and realize things may not have been personal as you once believed. Differences are not necessarily wrong, but without communicating with each other, you’ll never know.